My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think your dad took our porno
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
