i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
