How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
