um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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