I skipped work to stalk him.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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