Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
