I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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