hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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