is your mom at the bar?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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