My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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