Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
