And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
