You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
