Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this will be a night to untag.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
