he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
