Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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