I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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