I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
