I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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