making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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