Define "chronic" masturbator.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
