I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
