Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
