the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
