You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Duck Duck Cougar?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
