I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
