Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
