lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
