I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
