i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
