Nicole vs. Life
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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