i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
