Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
