You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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