one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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