He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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