Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
