Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do herpes really smell.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
