My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
