Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
