Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Come share oat with me in your robe
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
