Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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