I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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