Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
