If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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