found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this hospital has no fireball
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
