but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
