Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
