Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
God, I missed his penis.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
