If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
