I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
